Confessions of a failed egg-boiler

Friends, most of you know that I am not a complete moron in the kitchen. I have successfully made madeleines and macarons. I aced the famous Cajun roux the first time I attempted crawfish etouffee. I've made recipes friends and family have oohed and aahed over. I cannot, however, successfully boil an egg. Oh, I can cook one thoroughly enough to throw in an egg salad or potato salad, but I have never made pretty, perfectly oval hard-boiled eggs. It's my one lifelong kitchen flop. And so naturally, I bought a pretty egg plate over the weekend.

Isn't this dish from Portugal just lovely? It was a $7.99 T.J. Maxx find, and I thought it was just the thing to inspire some hard-boiled egg experimenting before Easter.

I think I like this design so much because of the color and because of the fact it reminds me of old-fashioned stenciling. But today, I come seeking your help and advice. I've followed cookbook directions for boiling eggs. I've used Martha's directions for "perfect" hard-boiled eggs. I even used a dear friend's very explicit directions for boiling eggs. I've boiled them longer, shorter, with more water, with less, I've let cold water run over them, I've let them cool naturally. Still, I always unpeel them and get that ugly little square shape at the end of my eggs. If any of you can share the secret to perfect hard-boiled eggs, I'd be most grateful. I want to try tea-dying some as well — you wondered when I'd get to that, didn't you? — but mostly, I'd just like to cook a pretty egg. Is there yet hope?